Using negative feedback

Extracting value • 3 min read

#PsychFact

Research from Harvard Business School showed that we tend to avoid people after they give negative feedback, seeing ourselves as the aggrieved party in a workplace conspiracy.

However, evidence shows that being the lonely martyr can be a big mistake.

The research tracked a leadership development program where those who consistently engaged in an ongoing feedback dialogue with their colleagues, showed dramatic improvement, while the improvement of those who didn’t dwindled considerably.

Introduction

So far, we’ve looked at how constructive criticism allows us to consistently grow by keeping an open mind and learning from our weaknesses. We’ll now look at some further ways to use feedback in the most effective way possible.

Gracious acceptance

Avoid acting impulsively

Psychologist William Swann highlights that when humans receive feedback, it disorientates us and threatens our self-image. This is why our initial instinct is to respond straight away. Fight it.

At the first sign of criticism, before you do anything — stop. Try not to react at all.

You will have at least one second to stop your reaction. While one second seems insignificant, it’s plenty of time for your brain to process a situation. And in that moment, you can stop yourself from using a sarcy quip or revealing a pained grimace.

Remind yourself to stay calm. Once you’ve processed everything, you can then re-engage with the person, or take time to think it through and then request a follow-up meeting.

Thank the person

If you react defensively, this can show insecurity and aggressiveness. Instead, how about responding with something like “I’m grateful that you’ve taken the time to run through this with me.” This isn’t saying that you 100% agree with the assessment but recognises the effort it took for that person to share their thoughts.

You can even acknowledge a specific point they make, e.g., “You're right that I was impulsive with that comment, I’ll try to be more self-aware next time.”

Assuming this person has your best interests at heart, be grateful that the other person is rooting for your growth.

Don’t take it personally

Feedback is there to build you up. It may just mean your work may not be your best effort yet. Perhaps your idea was not fully developed.

Use the feedback as a golden opportunity that requires a little extra polish to make your idea shine. Avoid the tendency to villainise someone just because they’re criticising you. No matter your strengths, there’s always room for improvement.

Key takeaways

Avoid reacting impulsively. It may not be rational or proportionate to the feedback given. Take time to think it through. You can even run it past your more trusted colleague and write up a list of aspects you agree with, and those require more clarity.
Thank the person for the feedback. More often than not, the person giving the pointers is rooting for your development. It also shows a willingness on your part to grow.
Don’t take the feedback personally, it’s not discounting your greatness! It’s designed to help you progress and could just show that you haven't reached your potential yet.

Think big, act small

Next time you’re confronted with constructive criticism, try to resist the urge to react in the heat of the moment, even if you don’t agree with some aspects.

Take time to go away, mull over the different points, and then arrange a follow-up meeting to establish the next steps to take.

Content sources

Forbes, 2019, Andy Molinsky, ‘Five Essential Tips for Handling Constructive Criticism’
Harvard Business Review, 2015, Carolyn O’Hara, ‘How to Get the Feedback You Need’
Harvard Business Review, 2018, Tasha Eurich, ‘The Right Way to Respond to Negative Feedback’
Muse, The, 2012, ‘Taking Constructive Criticism Like a Champ’
Psychology Today, 2014, Lissa Rankin, ‘10 Tips for Receiving Criticism with Grace’
Psychology Today, 2021, Ellen Hendriksen, ‘How to Take Criticism Gracefully’