The right way to seek help

Humbly reaching out • 3 min read

#PsychFact

Gratitude is a powerful way to create positive relationships. A study undertaken by software company Boomerang of 350,000 e-mail exchanges, found that writing “Thanks” or “Thanks in advance” yielded average response rates of around 66%, compared with 51% from emails ending in “Best,” or “Regards,”

This shows that even when expressed in advance, gratitude can keep people invested in helping you.

Introduction

We’ve seen that when asking for help, if we prepare in advance and are clear and concise in what we’re asking for, this can be key to getting information in the most effective way possible.

Today we’ll look at further ways to ask others for help, ensuring a steady flow of information and expertise to excel in our work.

Help-seeking in practice

Show gratitude

This could be as simple as mentioning thanks in passing, e.g., “I’m really grateful for the time you took to explain those concepts to me, especially as you’re so busy at the moment.”

People want to help and particularly like it when it’s appreciated. It can also build a connection, potentially getting them invested in what you’re doing, they may even look out for additional information or opportunities for you.

Reframe it

You may see it as a weakness. You may see it as incurring a debt. Why not reframe it by seeing help-seeking as networking…or building connections?

It may also help to focus on your end goal in advance. This means making it your top priority to effectively complete the task in question.

When the priority is set, this will override your fear and motivate you to go for it.

Plus, think about the alternative, let’s say you don’t ask for help and make a dog’s dinner of the task, wouldn’t this be far worse?

Repay others in kind

We can also earn responses to our requests more easily by normalising the process of asking for help. This means helping those around us regularly. When others start to think of you as someone who helps others, they will want to help you, even if you haven’t helped that particular person in the first place.

This approach will create interpersonal relationships, promoting a friendly and communal environment where people naturally reach out to one another to share information.

As humans, we like to help others, with consistent research showing that the act of reciprocity is so powerful that we can generally expect help if we’ve helped others. Remembering this can be a powerful motivator in asking for help.

Key takeaways

People like to feel appreciated. When we’re grateful, odds are, people will want to help us again, perhaps even with further information.
Reframing why you’re asking for help will embolden you. Think about it. What’s worse than the inconvenience you presume they’ll feel (which is unlikely anyway)? Perhaps the potential chaos that could ensue by not asking.
Create a culture of asking for help by returning the favour. This will help build relationships while allowing others to feel comfortable in engaging when they need help.

Think big, act small

Can you muster up the courage to ask for help from a respected colleague?

Why not reframe it by focusing on your desired end goal, reminding yourself, “what’s the worst that can happen?”

It could result in better productivity for all involved.

Content sources

Forbes, 2022, Rebecca Zucker, ‘How to Get Better at Asking for Help—And Be A Better Helper’
Forbes, 2021, Thor Ernstsson, ‘How to Ask For Help’
Forbes, 2021, Felana Hanson, ‘How to get comfortable asking for help’
Forbes, 2018, Expert Panel, ‘13 Tips for overcoming your fear of asking for help’
Harvard Business Review, 2021, Gorick Ng, ‘How to Ask for Help at Work’
Harvard Business Review, 2018, Heidi Grant, ‘How to Get the Help You Need’
Harvard Business Review, 2014, Wayne Baker, ‘5 Ways to Get Better at Asking for Help’