Asking for help

No one is an island • 3 min read

#PsychFact

Professor Vanessa Bohns from Cornell University conducted research showing the rate at which people give advice to strangers who ask for it, it was roughly 48% higher than the people seeking the help had expected. Also revealed was that help-seekers underestimate the lengths to which others will go when they agree to give help.

Introduction

Many of us dislike asking for help. We worry about rejection, looking vulnerable or incompetent, especially in the workplace where we’re eager to show that we’re armed with expertise. However, we all need help in life to develop and progress.

This week, we’ll look at how to overcome our reluctance in approaching others so we can get the most meaningful responses to increase our learning and development.

Sharing for growth

It’s easy to get into a pride-driven mindset where we believe that self-reliance is key to success in the workplace. However, it’s important to remind ourselves that we all have limited capacity in what we can do individually.

What’s more, extensive research indicates that one’s growth stems from having access to a steady flow of information and expertise. We can do this using resource sharing systems, and asking directly for advice.

To get assistance in the most effective way, it’s vital to recognise how we can go about it. We can do this by:

Preparing for the situation

To make it as easy as possible for the other person to understand what you’re asking for, know exactly what you want to ask for in advance. You could even make it easier by doing a bit of prior research and suggesting a specific person to talk to. For example:

“I’m excited about starting this project. I was wondering if I could get support in acquiring knowledge on X. Or do you know if there is someone else who I could ask?”

You can prepare by:

Finding a potential answer beforehand and proposing it as a possible solution.
Having a list of questions to hand. Save them all up to avoid being pesky by going back and forth. This will allow you to ask them all in one go.
Being specific, detailing why you need it, what needs to be done and when it needs to be done by will make it easier to understand and respond to. It will also cover the essential bases.

Key takeaways

Asking for help is commonly misperceived as showing weakness. It can actually lead to vital growth in the workplace.
Be clear and concise in what you’re asking for. You’ll find that people will be far more willing to help when the request is simple enough to respond to.
Do the legwork first, don’t create more work for the person you’re asking. You can do this by including all of the essential information in one go, e.g., making all supporting material accessible, such as links.

Think big, act small

Next time you require help, why not write a list of the specific questions in advance?

Remember to be specific, why you need it, what needs to be done and when it needs to be done by.

If you’re emailing, make it very straightforward. This will make it easier for the recipient, particularly if they need to forward it to one of their contacts.

Content sources

Forbes, 2022, Rebecca Zucker, ‘How to Get Better at Asking for Help—And Be A Better Helper’
Forbes, 2021, Thor Ernstsson, ‘How to Ask For Help’
Forbes, 2021, Felana Hanson, ‘How to get comfortable asking for help’
Forbes, 2018, Expert Panel, ‘13 Tips for overcoming your fear of asking for help’
Harvard Business Review, 2021, Gorick Ng, ‘How to Ask for Help at Work’
Harvard Business Review, 2018, Heidi Grant, ‘How to Get the Help You Need’
Harvard Business Review, 2014, Wayne Baker, ‘5 Ways to Get Better at Asking for Help’