Establishing boundaries

Philip Brophy
Mar 26
3 min read

Healthy boundaries • 3 min read

#PsychFact

A 2019 report from Udemy found that much of our work stress can be related to boundaries at work being crossed regularly. Approximately 59% of managers feel pressed to work through lunch breaks, and 66% of employees have experienced or witnessed bullying.

Introduction

It often happens that people around us cross our personal boundaries, affecting our work-life balance. This can be in the form of the colleague who recruits your help for their presentations, or the manager who assigns you more work than your colleagues…how about the team leader who asks you to come in on the weekend?

And you just find it so hard to push back and say “no.” A stifling feeling, isn’t it?

Can you relate?

If so, stay with us. We’ll talk you through some tactics of how to be nice but firm, in a guilt-free way.

Why the need for boundaries?

Setting boundaries is rarely a guilt-free process. When people cross them, they can rely on your passivity, kindness, and/or innate sense of guilt.

We often realise our time is being wasted or that we’re being asked to commit to too much — and it’s frustrating — but we just can’t stand the idea of being rude, or appearing to be reluctant, avoiding conflict while aiming to people-please.

Consequences

These include:

1. The build-up of resentment that’s damaging to your emotional well-being and productivity.

2. ‘Burnout’ — when you take on too much. Our high standards can make us feel trapped by our unrealistic expectations.

3. Feeling discomfort of having boundaries consistently violated.

While setting these boundaries can be tough, you’ll find that the benefits of diplomatically setting limits will be invaluable. For example, you’ll have healthier relationships, not just with others, but with yourself, teaching people how to treat you, by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.

This doesn’t mean putting up walls to keep people out. Rather, it means a process that shows people how to exist in a relationship with you.

Let’s take the first step

One of the main reasons we find it hard to set boundaries in today’s workplace is down to technology, this allows us to lead 24/7 work-lives, letting colleagues assume that you’re on call around the clock. An easy first boundary we can set is by clearly demonstrating to others when they can, or cannot, get in touch with us.

We can start by:

Spelling it out:

It may sound harsh, but it can really be done in the nicest way possible!

When objectives are clearly outlined and agreed upon beforehand, we know what to expect, with less potential for opposition and disappointment. For example, if you don’t want your team members to contact you willy-nilly, establish agreements by telling them exactly when you will be available for work conversations e.g., “That’s an interesting topic that I’d love to discuss further. How about we discuss it at 3pm tomorrow after I’ve met all my deadlines?” or “I have to leave this meeting at 11:30, but I’ll check in this afternoon.”

This will manage expectations from the get-go, generating a pattern of: clear communication > clear action > mutual respect.

Key takeaways

Our high standards, sense of guilt, and desire to help others, can often imprison us into thinking that we always have to say “yes, yes, yes,”. This can lead to burn-out and high levels of stress.
It’s up to us to push back, transforming our current patterns by creating boundaries. This will get rid of the all-consuming guilt, greatly reducing stress levels by freeing up more time to focus on our own priorities.
We can manage expectations from the get-go by generating a clear and helpful pattern to respectfully establish boundaries: clear communication > clear action>mutual respect.

Think big. act small

Personal boundaries are difficult to define and hard to maintain, but vital to establishing healthier and happier work patterns.

We recommend starting off by using your calendar to clearly mark out your time, availability, and priorities to others — indicating both professional and private appointments.

Next time, we’ll look at further ways to effectively create boundaries; maximising our time in the best way possible, and reducing stress levels by allowing you to get your work done.

Content sources

Forbes, 2019, Caroline Castrillon, ‘10 Ways To Set Healthy Boundaries At Work’
Harvard Business Review, 2013, Elizabeth Grace Saunders, Stop Work Overload By Setting These Boundaries
Harvard Business Review, 2020, ‘Set “Time Boundaries” to Protect Your Schedule’
Harvard Business Review, 2021, Melody Wilding, ‘How to Set Boundaries with a Chatty Colleague’
Harvard Business Review, 2021, Priscilla Claman, ‘Managing Conflicts’
Huffington Post, Mammekwa Mokgoro, 2021, ‘This Is Why Setting Personal And Professional Boundaries Is Good For Your Health’
Psych Central, 2021, ‘7 Tips for Setting Work Boundaries for Yourself and with Others’
Psychology Today, 2021, ‘How to Set Better Boundaries at Work Without Feeling Guilty’