Curbing self-sabotage
- Philip Brophy
- Mar 26
- 3 min read
Avoid self-destruction! • 2 min read
In a recent study on self-sabotage, a series of interviews were carried out with 15 psychologists in Australia who specialised in romantic relationships. The research identified the main issues for the prevalence of self-sabotage in romantic relationships.
“What were they?”, you ask?
They included low self-esteem, insecure attachment styles, fear of getting hurt and fear of commitment.
Introduction
Many of us likely have an abundance of deeply hidden thought patterns that affect our lives more than we realise.
However, it’s important to realise that our thoughts are malleable and that all negative thought loops can be reversed through introspection and practice, along with a big dose of consistency!
Here are some steps to turn self-sabotaging into self-motivation:
Stick your neck out
When you fixate on ducking and diving failure, you inevitably forgo the pursuit of success. Growth can only be found outside of your comfort zone.
So, instead of running away from the unknown, you need to step into the unfamiliar. By sticking your neck out and seeing failures as the mandatory stepping stones to success, you will be more willing to go through the ‘growing pains’ to get there.
Make action plans and keep going
How do you break out of a lapse in productivity?
When self-sabotaging emerges, dust yourself off and keep moving forward! Look at the top priority you want to work on and break it down into smaller, more actionable next steps. For example, if you consistently miss deadlines, write up a realistic timeline to complete the task. Then take steps to meet those goals, objectives, gradually building self-confidence.
Practice deep listening with empathy
Aggressively asserting your points of view and commanding and criticising peers will create professional gridlock. On the other hand, deep listening will allow you to communicate better with those around you.
This can be achieved by using direct eye contact and listening without giving unsolicited advice. Empathy helps you widen your perspective, seeing the big picture while refraining from making snap judgments.
Tune into your behaviours
What is the pattern that you think most hinders your success? Is it procrastination, low self-esteem, or impulsiveness? Notice what you say to yourself when you engage in self-sabotaging behaviour and write down all your negative self-talk.
Creating an awareness around these situations will help you to better understand what is happening. Do the thoughts reflect reality? Rewiring your mindset requires plenty of conscious thought and effort, and once you get going, you’ll realise that you truly are in control of your destiny.
Key takeaways
Stepping into the unknown is tough but extremely worthwhile. It’s important to view failures as mandatory stepping stones to success. You will be more willing to go through the ‘growing pains’ to get there.
Communication is key. Continuously criticising peers and forcefully asserting your points of view will only create gridlock. Instead, look to make a shift toward deep listening. At the start, the goal is to just listen and not give unsolicited advice.
This will show empathy and will help you widen your perspective while refraining from making snap judgments.
Make a note of when you engage in self-sabotaging behaviour and record your negative self-talk. By creating an awareness around these moments, it will help you to better understand what is happening.
Think big, act small
As we’ve seen, our thoughts are malleable and none of us are beyond transforming our self-sabotaging ways into pure, unshakeable self-motivation.
Which of the above steps do you think you can start with to curb any identified self-sabotaging behaviours? Next time, we’ll summarise the keys ways we can challenge the patterns to harness a happier and more productive work environment.
Content sources
Entrepreneur Europe, 2018, Deep Patel, 8 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Success
Forbes, 2021, Mary Juetten, ‘Self-Sabotage: Be Aware And Beware’
Forbes, 2009, ‘Self-sabotage at work’
Forbes, 2021, Bryan Robinson, ‘Apply These 10 Scientifically-Backed Strategies To Avoid Career Self-Sabotage’
Forbes Women, Celine de Costa ‘Why You Must Slay Your Mindset And Stop Self-Sabotage To Achieve Your Goals’
Mindtools.com, Mind Tools Content Team, ‘Self-Sabotaging - Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior’
Psychology Today, Psychology Today Staff, ‘What is self-sabotage’
Mindtools.com, Mind Tools Content Team, ‘Self-Sabotaging - Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior’
Stephanie Burns, ‘5 Ways to Stop Self Sabotage’
Verywellmind, Why People Self-Sabotage, Sabrina Romanoff
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