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Developing boundaries

Healthier interactions • 3 min read


Medicine specialist Mladen Golubic, MD, PhD. stated that 80% of chronic disease is caused by lifestyle-related issues. The research indicates that setting boundaries empowers you to take control of your lifestyle, decreasing your chances of coming up against these types of health issues.

Introduction

Today, we’re going to look at further ways to set firmer boundaries to maintain healthier interactions and relationships. We can do this by:


Harnessing the art of pausing:

Instead of instinctively saying “yes,” when you’re asked last-minute to work on the weekend, pause before responding. This will allow you the chance to reflect about whether you have a conflict or not.


You can also buy yourself time by saying, “I think that will work. Let me just check my schedule and get back to you.”


The aim is to find limits that are polite on the outside while feeling empowered on the inside.


Driving towards a close:

If you tell your colleague you have another meeting at the one-hour mark, flag this at the 45-minute mark and begin summarising, e.g., “I have 15 minutes until my next meeting. With the remaining time, can we discuss the next steps? I’ve understood that you’ll handle X and I’ll handle Y.”


Preparing for pushback:

Once you start establishing healthy boundaries, you can expect others to test these boundaries. Don’t get angry — think about it and make a choice.


Do I want to make this an exception or do I stick to my guns with the limits I’ve set for myself?


You’ll find that there are times when you can gain something from making an exception. However, if you do, make sure to reset the boundary bargain as a part of the same conversation, e.g., “I’m happy to do it again for you, this time. How about you allow Tim and Laura to help me and I’ll teach them everything I know so that you’ll have the resources to help next time?”


Coming from your perspective:

When it comes to setting our boundaries, it’s important to speak in “I” terms, e.g., “In order to be at my best, I really need time to focus. Thanks for respecting that,” or, “I know I’ve been able to offer support in the past, but I now have new priorities that require my attention. Can we connect next week?”


This will help you to express your feelings, while taking ownership of your decisions and allowing others to know that you’re still considering them as part of your actions.


Setting your own limits:

A big reason for boundary violation is that technology allows us to lead 24/7 work lives, with virtually no boundaries. One way to tackle this modern-day phenomena is by setting limits. For example, you could choose to disable your email notifications from 6 p.m onwards.


Another example would be by starting as you mean to go on. If you start a new job role and notice that some of your colleagues stay on well past 7pm most evenings, set a strict rule for yourself — for you, end of play means end of work day. Unless you have a big, upcoming deadline, it’s important to set an example by showing that your work-life balance is a priority for you.


Key takeaways

  1. Flag your other commitments at the outset of a meeting. If it’s an hour long, you can begin summarizing at the 45-minute mark, e.g., “I have 15 minutes until my next meeting. Let’s do a recap on who will be taking care of what.”


  2. If you find that you have to concede to an already outlined boundary, reset the boundary bargain as a part of it e.g., “I’m happy to do it, but can you lend me Tim and Laura to help me and I’ll teach them everything I know so that you’ll have the resources to help next time?”


  3. Set your own limits and stick to them, e.g., disable your email notifications from 6pm. Or promise to yourself that you’ll set an example by leaving at the end of the day once all your work is done, instead of staying on late for fear of looking bad.


Think big. act small

Do you think you can try any of the above to establish clearer boundaries?


Let’s try and begin by creating a routine around when we check our emails, and when we clock out every evening. This will give you back ‘you’ time, helping you to work towards a healthier work-life balance


Content sources

  • Forbes, 2019, Caroline Castrillon, ‘10 Ways To Set Healthy Boundaries At Work’


  • Harvard Business Reiew, 2013, Elizabeth Grace Saunders, Stop Work Overload By Setting These Boundaries


  • Harvard Business Reiew, 2020, ‘Set “Time Boundaries” to Protect Your Schedule’


  • Harvard Business Review, 2021, Melody Wilding, ‘How to Set Boundaries with a Chatty Colleague’


  • Harvard Business Review, 2021, Priscilla Claman, ‘Managing Conflicts’


  • Huffington Post, Mammekwa Mokgoro, 2021, ‘This Is Why Setting Personal And Professional Boundaries Is Good For Your Health’


  • Psych Central, 2021, ‘7 Tips for Setting Work Boundaries for Yourself and with Others’


  • Psychology Today, 2021, ‘How to Set Better Boundaries at Work Without Feeling Guilty Stop letting guilt prevent boundaries from being placed around work.’

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